I feel that I truly have one of the best jobs known to man! I work on Fridays and Saturdays each wk as a nurse for a home health company. My hrs are flexible, the days are relatively short, and it allows for 5 whole days in a row to spend with my kids. But...there is one draw back to all of that good stuff...I am not forced to any routine. Sounds like a good problem to have, but I have realized that a laid back person, needs routine.
You probably know that I am a mostly positive person and don't get too depressed often. I tend to take things in strides and not get too upset over the small things. But...this last year has been a little harder for me with many more of those down in the dumps moments! I have had to realize that it isn't me, but just the truth of parenting! People used to tell me that kids have hard times, and there were moments when they as a parent couldn't do it all. Because I am good with kids, I honestly thought that I would be immune to those things. I wouldn't have moments like that! No sir! My kids would be angels at all times because I would always have the solution.
Plus...for the first two years of Parker's life, things were pretty simple. I had the baby stage down! I'd nurse him, play with him, change his diaper, bathe him...you know, the essentials. But...then after 2, he got a little attitude with tantrums that could be hard to tame at times! Don't get me wrong, he is a GREAT kid, but things just get harder when you have a whole new person discovering his boundaries and who he is.
Anyways...yesterday was a hard day! Like- I cried the whole way back to the car after Parker's soccer practice! Easton was screaming for a piece of gum and would not give up. Parker skipped nap and was not in the mood for practice. The coach would ask him to do something and he'd say no (on several occasions). He got into a tug-of-war with another child over the ball. And...he just would plain not pay attention. Needless to say I felt like a failure. Everybody else's kids were playing along nicely while mine screamed for gum and sat on his soccer ball. I kept thinking, "what am I doing wrong here". Why can't my kids just behave??? I still don't know the answer to that question! I have though come up with a thought that may help...more routine!
It isn't like I just let the kids run around like crazy. I think that that is why it is hard sometimes. Because I DO try. We have a routine, but it just isn't super strict. My go with the flow personality sometimes sets me up for failure though, and I need to get a tighter grip on things here! For example: We went bowling with our group from church. It was Amy's birthday, and I had brought cupcakes for everyone. The kids ate theirs first. Then, as I was setting up the cupcakes for the adults, Parker, who was still hungry, literally stuck his face into a cupcake quicker than I could open the container. I was furious! All the other kids were content with the cupcake I gave them, but my 3yr old wanted more and was determined to get more! So back to the setting me up for failure thought. The part of the story that no one in small group knew at the time, and that even I forgot about, is that we skipped dinner. We had eaten a late lunch and thought, there is food there at the bowling alley. If we get hungry, we will eat dinner there. Well...Steven and I never got hungry, but apparently, Parker did. My laid back attitude, set me up for that mishap. I mean, what kid who hadn't had dinner, would turn away from a tasty cupcake? The taste of that cake was worth any punishment to a hungry child!
So...the point of this post (besides some good venting on my part) is to say, that I am now DETERMINED to be a better parent! Determined to have more structure, and determined to try not to be it all anymore! Typically, if someone would call, I would talk even if I was busy...to be a good friend. I'd concentrate on getting/keeping things clean so that Steven could come home to a tidy house after work...to be the perfect housewife. To show that I could handle it...I'd say yes to things I shouldn't. But...not anymore! From now on, my priority while Steven is away at work is to be a great parent. So...please don't be offended if I have to let a conversation end, or if you stop by unexpectedly to find my house a mess. I am just concentrating on my true job...being a parent!
So far today...I made pancakes for breakfast, Parker and Easton both had school time, we read Horton Hears a Who, I ran a quick errand, ate lunch, and the kids are down for a nap. And the only thing I have cleaned is myself with a five minute shower! Wish me luck for a continued great rest of the day!