I don't really know where or how to begin this next post. I have so much to say and a jumbled brain is trying to put it into writing. But...Let's start with May 18th...the week after our relaxing vacation. Long story short, I was told on that lovely day, that my position at work was being eliminated due to down sizing. I was, to say the least, sad to begin with, but then looking down as I wiped the tears away brought my attention to my growing belly. I quickly realized what this meant. No more health insurance...No more short-term-disability that I was counting on to supply 60% of my pay while out on maternity leave...No more company reimbursement of 1/2 of my $3000 deductible I had already met...and no job to come back to after baby Brooks is born. Plus...who would hire someone who is 29 wks pregnant??? A few minutes, and a good cry later, I felt at peace with it all. I have been lucky enough not to have ever had to face a "bigger" trial in my life, and I wanted to handle this set back with dignity and trust in God's plan for us. None the less...it meant change...and the unknown can be hard to handle.
I did pretty well for the first week. Thought a lot, calculated A LOT, and even though I know and felt that God is in control, I prayed very little. Which is probably why the next week was very challenging for me. Most of you know I am not a worker bee. I'd much rather be the Queen bee making babies and tending to the hive. Getting ready for the hopes of being able to work at my prn (as needed) nursing job at the hospital each and every day, but then to be cancelled on 4 out of the 5 days caused a lot of stress for my already worried heart. I kept calculating and budgeting, calculating and budgeting, over and over again. Hoping the numbers would turn out right. Then Sunday came.
We hadn't been able to go to church for a while because of our Florida and Michigan trips. It was nice that timing had it planned for us to begin a new series on the day we were able to start back into our Sunday routine. The series is called "White Flag". I won't go into all of the details, but it was meant for me!
Here are a few of the verses we reviewed.
Phillippians 4:6-7 Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God's peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Psalm 4:8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety
1 Peter 5: 7 Give your worries to him, because he cares about you.
So...I am doing my best to raise my white flag and remember that I am not in control. No matter the calculation or how the numbers pan out, we are in God's hands. I'm trying my best now to pray!
I may have to return to working more than my originally planned 2 days a wk. I may have a job I hate, but I will always have a God that loves me and a family to come home to. What else could I ever need?
I haven't been posting onto the blog in a while. We have done lots of fun things, but I just haven't felt happy enough to post them. So...here are a few things we have done since my bad news.
We played at Nana and Ada's house over memorial day.
I love how silly he looks in goggles!
I don't know who was more excited about this event...Steven or Parker??? This was Parker's first time ever shooting a real gun. It is just a BB gun, but still plenty of fun!
We went to Anchor High Marina last week so Easton could see some boats. They have recently redone their restaurant there. We had a good time!